Thinking too much

Each day that passes brings me closer to change. By the end of this month I will be unemployed and free to pursue a new career. This is what I planned for, and this is what I've wanted for years. But for some reason i'm afraid of the change. What if my finances don't improve? And what if my husband loses his job? Will I have enough money and time to visit my family this summer? And what if I buckle under the pressure? Will I still earn the respect I was hoping for? Will I still be loved?

The Chinese say that we will soon enter the year of the Ox. It's not all that surprising - last year felt like a year of psychological and spiritual preparation for change. It's as if the end of the year was building up to hard work to make those changes happen. The Ox is a fitting animal to accompany those efforts.

Over the last 15 years i've been jealous of people that "make it big", always wondering how and why it happened to them and not me. I always thought it was luck. I've only recently understood that I never really got anywhere because it requires lots of hard work and effort. Yesterday I heard the words which struck a chord deep inside of me-"It's not he that has natural talent that lives happily, but he who has a passion and works hard at it from morning to night." It is so true for me - natural talent alone will not bring me happiness. I will use this phrase as a mantra for when I lack motivation or give up hope.

I just hope all this effort will pay off...