Home is where the heart is

"If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?" My 6th grade teacher was a creative woman who encouraged us to dream and explore the world with this simple question. I remember kids writing about France and Italy, while others wanted to see Florida, Hawaii, or some other tropical destination. I was frustrated by the question, finding it hard to "limit" myself by a single choice. I guess I ended up in France because it reflected some dream of mine, but at the time, the day our teacher asked that question, I dreamt of so many places.

After a lot of thinking, I eventually chose to "live on a yacht" which could take me to Hawaii and avoid inconvenient volcanic erruptions. (Oh, to be a child again!) Incidently, I could also live wherever I wanted to in the world because my home was transportable. I guess I was pretty smart. What I came up with back then corresponds to me even today. I'd find it so hard to choose between different dream destinations.

Over the years I've added more destinations on my "to do list" and I don't think I could possibly visit, much less live in all those places. But it's reassuring to know that I've always been a dreamer, and have always been curious about the world around me. Perhaps one day I'll finally visit some of those places, and maybe i'll be rich enough to buy a house on every continent. In the meanwhile, i've lived 19 years in California and have spent the last 12 years in France. Many people can only visit these places in their dreams.

When asked if I miss my homeland, I say : "Home is where the heart is, and I take mine with me everywhere I go". It's like living on that yacht I dreamt about as a child. It doesn't matter where I am, but who I am with and how I pass the time I spend there. And should I move on to another place, i'll still feel at home as long as my heart is there beside me.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

I've just read a blog post on this age-old subject. I used to be a "half full" type of person myself, yet was almost disgusted by the shiny optimism that gushed from the post and it's comments. And if that wasn't bad enough, they happily shot down the "half empty" philosophy without even understanding it.
I mean, when you first look at the subject, it's as obvious as black and white, optimist and pessimist. But are we so daft that deeper meaning escapes us? And even if deeper meaning was never intended, what's keeping us from looking for it?

Here's the comment I added, hoping that at least one person will understand or even relate:

'I'm a "half empty glass" gal and think our philosophy is highly missunderstood!

Yes, many of us tend to be dislikable since we are often - "I have everything I need but am not rich enough"-ers, or "proud to be a martyr" types, or "i'm just waiting for life to end and hope you'll join me in my depression" people. But what you don't see is that for many of us, this philosophy helps MOTIVATE us.
It helps us see that more can be achieved and once we have the strength to do so, we can try to achieve more.
A European Socialogist (can't remember his name) has explained this phenomenon which he feels explains "new" society: Before, society was content with simply providing for self and/or family. In a sense, survival and caring for the family was the purpose of life while happiness was only a bonus. Today however, society as a whole considers happiness to be the purpose of life. This complicates things since what makes us happy varies from one person to the next, and can change several times during a lifespan.

Here's MY explanation of this philosophy:
When a person like me observe that glass, we notice that it is half empty because we have drunk from that glass. And in reality, we can earn the right to refill the glass, but shhh, don't tell anyone. '

Hug a teacher

As I was growing up, I felt rejected and cursed. Not only was I unpopular, but my mom was a 3rd grade teacher, and my dad a "sub" for junior and high schools.
In elementry school it was commonly believed that I could earn better grades and I felt this enormous pressure coming from teachers and peers alike. Students assumed I got favored treatment (although I spent most recess breaks writing sentences or washing boards) and the teachers encouraged me to do better - acting dissapointed when I didn't live up to their expectations. It soon became obvious to me that if I tried to get better grades I would gain approval of parents and teachers but risk upsetting the other students. And if I got bad grades, I would dissapoint my parents and teachers, but the other students would leave me alone. Or so I believed. I was oblivious to "pecking order" and social hierarchy back then, and felt teachers were to blame for my situation.
In Junior High I learned to hate my mother. I couldn't stand her "3rd grade" humor, didn't want to be seen with her, and didn't want to have anything in common with her. Junior high made me feel much older than elementry kids, and after learning "freedom of thought", I started to rebel and test the limits in my own way. That was when I learned another downside to being raised by teachers - they can be very strict with their own children. This point became more obvious as I exchanged parent stories with other students.
In High School, my life changed. I went to school in a new area and had to make new friends. It's hard to fight a war on two fronts, so I decided to get the teachers on my side. But the more I got to know them, the more I got to like them - and the more I felt sorry for them. I started to understand how difficult and important their jobs really were. I learned to respect them (or at least most of them) and somehow I found myself protecting them whenever possible. Of course, embarassing stories about my strict "subbing" dad often made way to my ears, but they didn't prevent me defending as well as idolizing the man.
Today I love my Mom and Dad, and understand how hard it must have been for them back then. (Adulthood tends to do that to a person). Teaching isn't very glamorous, is sometimes too restricted by less intelligent laws or board decisions, is almost always underpaid, and rarely earns so much as a "thank you". But despite this, teachers have been and will always be.
Teachers teach us, challenge us, inspire us, and open our minds to new ideas. They remind us of the past, help us understand the present, and prepare us for the future. They give us a glimpse of the world and life, and encourage us to find our own place, our own raison d'être. On top of that - they teach acceptable social behavior and rules, often playing a more active role in parenting than the parents themselves.
I feel sickened by the way teachers are treated today by students, parents, and by the US government. Back in my days, we sometimes tried to embarass the teacher while some of the seedier elements used colorful language when thrown out of class. How daring! Nowadays, teachers almost need bodyguards for protection against the students and lawyers for protection against the parents.
It's as if society has lost respect for teachers and education. Maybe it's a global lack of respect for others, not just teachers. Maybe some bad teachers tarnished the image. Maybe education budgets are spent in the wrong way or regular budget cuts pass the message that education isn't important. In any case, i'm afraid for America's education, and especially education in California. I've been told that many teachers there will lose their jobs in the next month because of buget cuts, and classroom sizes will be increased.

Have you ever tried babysitting more than 15 children at a time? I have, and trust me - it's an amazing challenge. Ever try to get the attention of more than 15 teenagers in a room? Impossible. Now - instead of 15, try to put 30 children or teenagers in the same room. Scary, isn't it? Even 30 adults can easily get out of hand. The thing is - teachers don't only have to get the attention of their audience, they also have to make them memorize and learn things and children don't have the same attention spans or self-control that adults have, and they often lack drive and motivation. Most importantly - the teenager or child's future will depend on how well they have learned these lessons. Unfortunately, large numbers require a teacher to choose between 1) slowing down their lessons so that every student has a chance to follow - unfortunately not being able to cover all the required subjects 2) keeping up the rythm neccessary to cover all the required subjects - but leaving some individuals behind.
Personally, I would have needed extra attention from my teachers in 2nd and 3rd grades. Maybe they weren't good teachers, or maybe their classes were too big. I honestly don't remember. But in any case I didn't learn some of the basics that were taught in those grades and to this day, I often have to count on my fingers, can barely read clocks, and am still slow at multiplying and dividing. But give me something complicated to figure out, a calculator, and I'll find the solution.

I guess that what i'm attempting to say is this :

"Hey teachers - thanks for helping me through my early stages of life, thanks for helping me become who I am.

I support you!!!"

French culture

Living in France has it's advantages, and for people that want to experience a different culture and learn a foreign language - it's a great place to be. When I first came to France, I only knew a handful of words, and was disappointed at how similar it's culture was to my own. Now that I’ve been here for 12 years, I can see how different the culture really is, and can talk up a storm (without even embarrassing myself).

That said, I thought I might share some personal anecdotes about adapting to culture and learning languages :

- Knowing that a language is best learned through practice and experience, I decided to mingle with the locals and communicate with them. When I went into stores and talked with the sales people, they unfortunately answered me in English to help relieve my discomfort and embarrassment. I often had to insist that they talk to me in French, but they were so happy to practice on me and proud to show off their English. (And secretly, I think they groaned at the idea of trying to understand me as I massacred their language.)

- Please take note, when people of the opposite sex talk together in France - it is considered polite to avoid too much eye contact. A woman that prolongs eye contact gives the impression that she is "interested" in the man. It can make guys uncomfortable, especially in a work context. A guy on the other hand is considered "charming" if he seeks more eye contact then usual. That is, unless he is ugly in which case he just comes across as creepy.

- In French there are 2 ways of saying "you": "Vous" and "Tu". It’s a good idea to learn how to use these words correctly since the French can be very picky about it. Unfortunately the French don’t realise how hard it is for us non-native speakers to choose between Vous and Tu and they often get the wrong idea about us – choose the wrong word and you can come across as rude, insolent, and in less obvious cases - inviting. So if you’re like me, you’ll say the formal “Vous” until the person you talk to says you can address them by the familiar “Tu”.

- The French are arrogant. At least, that’s how they can appear to other cultures. It took me years to understand this, but this is what we mistake for “rudeness”: The French consider privacy very important. They take it so far as to apply a backward form of respect – they respect our individual privacy by ignoring us. Unfortunately, that means that they don’t smile or acknowledge strangers (unless in a professional context) and you might be someone they bump into without even a word of excuse. It’s confusing considering that a social rule dictates that you greet people with a “bonjour” when you enter a store, hotel, waiting room, or when you cross people in the country side, mountains, or in the south. It’s also a culture in which “first come, first serve” is a meaning of life. Everyone tries to push into an entrance at the same time, and they’ll pass you up in a line if given the chance. And if you don’t shove your way through a crowd while saying “excusez-moi”, there is little chance the people will move. And if you don’t do as the others do – you’ll just be considered weak and get trampled (figuratively or literally).

- The French are rude. They say some things that are horrible in English but aren’t the least bit harsh in French. For example a popular swear word is “Merde”. Just about everyone says it- even respectful old women and children. So although it sounds bad, it’s no worse than us saying “crap”. French people say f*ck a lot. Believe it or not, the British use this word rather lightly, and we hear it in most American movies, so the French just assume it’s not a shocking word. The French often insult without knowing it , they’ll say “I’m so stupid”, “You are stupid” or “Don’t do anything stupid”. To an outsider, it’s shocking, and feels worse when you are being addressed. But don’t take it personally. This is a common expression here and
isn’t even 1/5 as bad as it is for us in English- it isn’t an insult.

Now you are armed and ready to come to France.
(If you need any cultural tips, give me a ring)