French culture

Living in France has it's advantages, and for people that want to experience a different culture and learn a foreign language - it's a great place to be. When I first came to France, I only knew a handful of words, and was disappointed at how similar it's culture was to my own. Now that I’ve been here for 12 years, I can see how different the culture really is, and can talk up a storm (without even embarrassing myself).

That said, I thought I might share some personal anecdotes about adapting to culture and learning languages :

- Knowing that a language is best learned through practice and experience, I decided to mingle with the locals and communicate with them. When I went into stores and talked with the sales people, they unfortunately answered me in English to help relieve my discomfort and embarrassment. I often had to insist that they talk to me in French, but they were so happy to practice on me and proud to show off their English. (And secretly, I think they groaned at the idea of trying to understand me as I massacred their language.)

- Please take note, when people of the opposite sex talk together in France - it is considered polite to avoid too much eye contact. A woman that prolongs eye contact gives the impression that she is "interested" in the man. It can make guys uncomfortable, especially in a work context. A guy on the other hand is considered "charming" if he seeks more eye contact then usual. That is, unless he is ugly in which case he just comes across as creepy.

- In French there are 2 ways of saying "you": "Vous" and "Tu". It’s a good idea to learn how to use these words correctly since the French can be very picky about it. Unfortunately the French don’t realise how hard it is for us non-native speakers to choose between Vous and Tu and they often get the wrong idea about us – choose the wrong word and you can come across as rude, insolent, and in less obvious cases - inviting. So if you’re like me, you’ll say the formal “Vous” until the person you talk to says you can address them by the familiar “Tu”.

- The French are arrogant. At least, that’s how they can appear to other cultures. It took me years to understand this, but this is what we mistake for “rudeness”: The French consider privacy very important. They take it so far as to apply a backward form of respect – they respect our individual privacy by ignoring us. Unfortunately, that means that they don’t smile or acknowledge strangers (unless in a professional context) and you might be someone they bump into without even a word of excuse. It’s confusing considering that a social rule dictates that you greet people with a “bonjour” when you enter a store, hotel, waiting room, or when you cross people in the country side, mountains, or in the south. It’s also a culture in which “first come, first serve” is a meaning of life. Everyone tries to push into an entrance at the same time, and they’ll pass you up in a line if given the chance. And if you don’t shove your way through a crowd while saying “excusez-moi”, there is little chance the people will move. And if you don’t do as the others do – you’ll just be considered weak and get trampled (figuratively or literally).

- The French are rude. They say some things that are horrible in English but aren’t the least bit harsh in French. For example a popular swear word is “Merde”. Just about everyone says it- even respectful old women and children. So although it sounds bad, it’s no worse than us saying “crap”. French people say f*ck a lot. Believe it or not, the British use this word rather lightly, and we hear it in most American movies, so the French just assume it’s not a shocking word. The French often insult without knowing it , they’ll say “I’m so stupid”, “You are stupid” or “Don’t do anything stupid”. To an outsider, it’s shocking, and feels worse when you are being addressed. But don’t take it personally. This is a common expression here and
isn’t even 1/5 as bad as it is for us in English- it isn’t an insult.

Now you are armed and ready to come to France.
(If you need any cultural tips, give me a ring)